


For the Future

by Irraya



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Asexual Character, F/F, F/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irraya/pseuds/Irraya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miranda isn't quite ready to leave the Normandy when Shepard is grounded, and then uses the time to start demanding that the Alliance let her transition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Future

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Mass Effect/characters/etc. This is all appreciative fanwork.
> 
> I technically wrote this for femslash february - but I'm not quite sure if this would count as successful. Its just the very beginning of a relationship that will eventually develop.
> 
> This is part of my rather overdeveloped headcanon, in which the basic rules are: everyone is trans and everyone is dating each other, except when they're not.  
> Its the same universe that Broken Path is in, but both are pretty much stand-alone.  
> Interested particulars of the universe:  
> -Box: a magical transition machine! originally from the turians, all of the human ones were destroyed in the Purge, the remaining one was with Cerberus, until Shepard.  
> -Binary Legalities: hese nasty transphobic laws that were put into affect before Shepard was born, basically makes it illegal to be trans  
> -The Purge: what it sounds like, the legalised genocide of trans people that happened after the Binary Legalities were put in place. This needs an entire essay, not a blurb.  
> This isn't necessary for the story, I just like overdeveloping things.
> 
> My understanding of ME2 is fuzzy for various reasons, so I apologise if this isn't actually canon compliant...

Miranda wasn’t ready to say good-bye to the Normandy. But, with all the political nonsense going on with Shepard, and the fact that every second she spent on it made it more likely for the Illusive Man to find her, she really didn’t have a choice.

The real problem was the Illusive Man. She wanted to stand beside Shepard as she demanded proper treatment, as she abused every single bureaucratical loophole in order to become a legal trans person (oxymoron of terms, Miranda liked that). She wanted to be the one holding Shepard’s hand as she stepped into the Box, the same thing Jacob had done for her. sShe wanted to be better than Jacob (That wasn’t hard, but still…)

Commander Jennifer Shepard was currently making history, arrested for working with a terrorist organization and demanding a highly illegal gender transition. Miranda wanted to be part of that. 

But she also wanted to stay alive, and she had Oriana. And Oriana would always be her top priority – she had to make a world where her sister could be happy, safe, and loved, then she’d go off and join Shepard in militant queer activism. 

So, she should probably leave, even if she wasn’t exactly ready.

It was time to say good bye. 

 

She had thought the observation deck would be empty – most of the others had already left to their own destinations, even Garrus. He had taken a transport ship back to Palaven that morning, hugging her for so long that he nearly missed the departure. 

It felt empty without him. He had always been the one who could see through her disguises, her façades. She needed his jokes and questions and love (she fingered the heart pendant in her pocket, “Just a token”, he had said, “Shepard says humans like this kind of thing”, he had said, and she had known, then, that there was never any reason to doubt his love or her love for him, she was pleased at the knowledge that her father would be horrified if he ever found out his daughter loved a turian.)

But apparently not everyone had left. Jack was sitting there, cross-legged, maybe even meditating, a replica of the justicar who used to occupy the same place.

“Thought you had left already,” Miranda tried to sound nonchalant. The suicide mission (and everything before and after it) had certainly brought her closer to Jack, but she had a feeling Jack’s scars would never heal. At one point, the blame and accusation had upset Miranda – it wasn’t her fault, why did Jack blame her so actively? It had taken time to go from defensive to accepting. But now, she could understand the generalization, she did it too.

“I came back,” Jack shrugged, still looking ahead, “Don’t really know I’m supposed to do right now”.

“What do you mean?”

Miranda hoped that Jack’s response was enough of an invitation to enter the room, she walked over to the window and sat down too.

“Well, I’m not in prison anymore,” Jack shrugged, “Hasn’t been like that for a while. And without a suicide mission to prepare for, kind of have nothing”.

Miranda didn’t know what to say so she tried to make a comforting noise.

“And just, it feels wrong too,” Jack continued after a while, “Shepard, all he…she wants to do is change gender, and…she’s in prison. I’m the one who went and destroyed a fucking moon”. 

Miranda tried to ignore the transphobic wording. Jack was trying, she didn’t know any better…but that really didn’t help. It still hurt.

“She’s not in prison for wanting the Box,” she responded quietly.

“She might as well be,” Jack said flatly, “Fraternization with a terrorist organization in order to save the galaxy hardly mandates this much crap”. 

“Thought you’d support punishment for relations with Cerberus”

“Yeah,” Jack shrugged, “I’d just prefer to be the one to doll out the punishments because the Alliance certainly isn’t doing it properly”. 

“What would be the proper way?” Miranda had to admit she was curious. Jack was harsh with punishment, but also loyal to Shepard – it was a hang up.

“If they actually had a problem with Shepard working with Cerberus, they would have arrested hi..her when she first went to the council,” Jack spat angrily at the window, “This arrest is just a pretext, an excuse to keep her from becoming a woman, apparently that’s the danger, Cerberus doesn’t matter to them”.

And Miranda understood that. The Alliance probably even knew about Pragia and the work Cerberus was doing there. They let it happen because it didn’t affect them, maybe it even helped them. Convenient blind spot when it came to Cerberus, until there happened to be a trans person to arrest.

Her anger was the same as Jack’s. When Shepard had first been called back to earth, she had had a full on tantrum at Garrus (it was always Garrus) about how the fucking Alliance had it out for her and every trans person and that Cerberus and the Illusive Man may be horrible, but at least they let her exist. Calmness hadn’t gotten that original fury to go away. 

“Can’t say I know which is worse anymore,” Miranda mused, trying to keep her calm façade, “Cerberus or the Alliance. I used to think Cerberus was the lesser of two evils, but now I know I can’t afford to only care about one thing anymore. But if I look at everything, its all horrible”.

“Lesser of two evils?” Jack actually turned to look at her now, “Thought you were their fucking cheerleader”.

Miranda smiled sadly, “Can’t say I ever loved Cerberus or the Illusive Man. Its just, they gave me what I wanted, and I took it”.

The look of respect on Jack’s face would last her for years, “Will you still get what you want without them?”

“Yeah,” Miranda had thought about that, “It was a onetime thing. And things are changing. Its all on Shepard now.” 

_And Shepard doesn’t even count as an evil._ That was an understand, didn’t need to be said.

The silenced stretched out for a long time. It was the most comfortable Miranda had ever been with Jack, suddenly unjudged. 

She was no longer the cause of torture, but another victim. Didn’t make Miranda feel any less guilty (Garrus’ very pointed descriptions of Pragia ensured that), there just was an accent of acceptance underneath the guilt.

But still, complicit acceptance of child abuse, no, child _torture_ , for a Box. Was that worth it?

 

“What was the deciding factor?”

Miranda was startled out of her reverie, she glanced over at Jack.

“What do you mean?”

“You said Cerberus was the lesser of two evils. What made it better than the Alliance?”

Would she do this? In the past few months, Miranda had come out, had explained herself more times than she had ever done in her life (Jacob, Garrus, Shepard…) and now, with Shepard out, vocal, political, she would never be doing it on her own again. 

But there were memories, not simply her own ones, the communal scars of the trans community. Not just the Purge and the Binary Legalities, but the history before then – the undocumented deaths, the allowance of rape, the millions of forms of discrimination and degradation that they had faced every day. It had never been safe for them. Would Shepard really make a difference?

(Yes, yes she would. Shepard was the key. She was the only thing Miranda could believe now).

Miranda took a deep breath, and imagined she was back in her office screaming at Garrus (that seemed to be a theme in their relationship) and him just sitting back and laughing, suggesting that she might want to write their commander a letter instead of breaking her vocal chords (“I’ve heard human vocal chords are rather fragile, you might want to preserve them for when you actually need them”).  
She could do this. She would do this. This was her way of joining Shepard’s fight.

“That’s where the Box was,” she stared ahead at the stars, always easier than eye contact.

“So you…” Miranda could feel the puzzle pieces clicking together in Jack’s mind, “you’re like Shepard, you used to be a guy?”

Miranda snorted at that, too much time reading queer theory made you forget the stupid questions, 

“I never was a guy,” she tried not to sound angry, it wasn’t Jack’s fault (but oh, it would be so easy to explode, to blame, just one time too many with this kind of bullshit), “Everyone else just thought I was”.

“And the Box allowed you to change how other people saw you,” Jack finished, brow furrowed, “Doesn’t that piss you off?”

“Every day”.

And again, she felt a current of understanding with Jack – they both lived with constant rage. People had screwed them over in unforgivable ways, and the anger was something they had to get used to, because it wasn’t going away.

Miranda felt, more than saw, Jack stand and extend a hand. She grabbed it and pulled herself up.

But instead of letting go, Jack pulled her into a tight hug.

“I never thought I’d say this,” she hissed in Miranda’s ear (Miranda wasn’t going to ask why she was whispering despite no one else being on the ship, it felt right), “But you’re one badass bitch”.

Miranda grinned, “Language” she reprimanded.

“Fuck that,” Jack was grinning too.

And suddenly, her lips were on Miranda’s, and it actually felt ok (Miranda could count the number of kisses she had had on one hand. All had been horrible – gross, demanding, sexual, uncomfortable, but this one, this one was kind of nice. Not amazing, no sparks, like the books said, but comfortable). 

“Clearly dating a turian has affected your kissing skills,” Jack grumbled as the pulled away, “Or were you just bad at kissing to begin with?”

Before Miranda could formulate an answer, Jack cut in again.

“Speaking of the turian, think he’s going to shoot me? Are you going to _set_ him on me?” and then Jack’s face suddenly turned insecure, “Did you even want that? Shit. I’m sorry…I just, it felt right…”

Miranda had no idea how to deal with this situation, so she tried giving Jack a hug. It was the thought that counted, right?

“I’m not the only one Garrus is dating,” she said, hoping Jack would understand.

“I knew there was something going with him and that quarian!” Jack just looked triumphant and Miranda had to grin back, a little sadly though. (Tali’s reaction to Shepard’s coming out had been less than satisfactory…and Garrus’ subsequent breaking up with her had been traumatic).

But then...Miranda could see what was Jack was probably planning in her head (she had been in that situation before, at least) – a nice make-out session, some good sex, they go their separate ways until the next time they see each other, where they’ll cover up this companionship with rude comments. That wasn’t Miranda, though.

“It felt right, Jack,” she spoke quietly, completely out of her death (Garrus had been fine on this point – turians and humans were allergic to each other, they had other ways to express love, and Jacob, well, he’d been Jacob and he could just fuck off. This time was different, it was a very possible thing with someone she liked, but that didn’t mean it was something she could do), “But that was all. I…don’t like sex, or the things attached with it. I just, kind of…like people in other ways”.

Jack just laughed, “Heard Jacob whining about that once, how horrible it was that you wouldn’t have sex with him,” she shrugged, “I don’t need sex to care about someone”.

Miranda stood there awkwardly. That was the most un-Jack thing she had ever heard and also, the most committed thing she had ever heard from Jack. And, up until this moment, they had hated each other (at least on the surface layer). It was all a bit fast.

(And she had already heard Jacob complaining about this? She had known this before kissing Miranda and done it anyways? Miranda didn’t know how to deal with that level of commitment from anyone.)

Jack just kept grinning, “Come on,” she grabbed Miranda’s hand and pulled her into the galley, “I think you can postpone your escape a few more hours.”

“What are you doing?”

Jack stuck out her tongue as she started rummaging around in cupboards, “I’m baking you cookies,” she shrugged, her face hidden, “I bake good cookies and some people say they’re better than sex, so I figure it’s a good replacement”.

And finally, Miranda could grin back. Mutual appreciation, she could do that.

“Well, if you’re making cookies,” she responded, moving towards her secret cupboard where she had kept her loose-leaf tea, “It will have to go with a proper tea”.

 

She wasn’t able to get to Palaven immediately, and, even once she got there, she couldn’t stay for long. But she still had to go. There was just a part of her that knew, deep down, that things were changing, and that she might not always have Garrus.

“Jack stopped by the other day,” he remarked, leaning back in the thing that had to be a chair (living on the Normandy had not prepared her for Palaven, or any of the other home worlds, everything was different, not just the people, the houses, the furniture, the sky, the ground, even the air), “If I had known how soon you were getting in, I would have made her stay”.

“Any particular reason?” she hadn’t heard from Jack since their tea, figured that’s how it would be, she could contact her if there was ever a real need. But still, it was nice to know she was around.

“Was looking for you, actually,” Garrus took a sip of some turian beer-like thing, “But was more than happy to hang around for a bit, even did a little biotic display for the neighbour’s kids. Didn’t know you two were that close?”

“We had tea once,” it sounded odd, but it was also the only explanation. Garrus knew her obsession for tea, hopefully he’d understand. 

His mandibles flared out in a grin, “She’s a good one if she’ll wait through your fussy tea protocol”. (Garrus had always gotten out of it by claiming “dextro” and running away…he was not one for high tea, or milk tea, or any other form of tea). 

Miranda just nodded, and fingered the heart token in her pocket. It was moments like these when she could imagine another life – beyond the reapers, beyond Cerberus, one where she and Jack could have tea and cookies and criticise each other while Garrus and Shepard sat the side drunkenly criticising the lack of alcohol in the tea, but still stealing the cookies. 

 

The day after she left, the reapers hit Palaven, and she curled up in her bunk on the cramped commuter shuttle and cried in anger for the future that would never happen.


End file.
